20-Apr-2005

I haven’t had the best luck romantically in my life. It hasn’t been
completely bad, but there’ve been more misses than hits, or so it
seems. But I’m starting to realise that I’ve been wearing that
misfortune as a badge of honour. I do move on in the sense that I’m not
feeling bad about the girls I’ve missed, but I ;seem to
take ;some sort of strange pride in telling people about how I
always try and fail. It’s kinda like I’m telling them, “As bad as you
think you got it, I’ve had it worse and survived”. In effect, that
itself is baggage that I’m carrying around, and I really need to learn
how to start truly letting go. ;Anyway, it took some surprisingly
wise words from Nishma to realise what a “douchebag” ;I was being.
Another thing for me to work on…

…which reminds me. Yesterday, my rotational group at work had
lunch with one of the directors. It’s a frequent thing we do, in an
effort to get to know management and hear some informal words of
wisdom. And what he had to say kinda shook me up. My main takeaway from
the lunch was something he said that his mentor had told him, way back
in the day. Namely, (and I’m paraphrasing) 98% of the people are going
to be unsatisfied and broke because they ask the question “How?” about
everything they do. The 2% who will be happy doing what they are doing
and will always be successful are the ones who ask “Why?” That led me
to start thinking about the career choices I’ve made. I’ve always
thought engineering was interesting, but I’ve never been particularly
good at it. I mean, I did well in the math and sciences, but not so
much when it came to the actual designing. I’ve always been good at
figuring stuff out and understanding things, but I guess I haven’t been
able to apply that to engineering as much as I would like.

Anyway, I needed to talk to my dad, to kinda figure things out. But
that had to wait till I got hom. Since I was at work, I needed to talk
to someone, anyone, if only to hear someone else’s voice. I
called ;”Sayani”, and her voice immediately made me feel better. ;It’s
not so much what she said, it’s just that she ;was there. She put
up with my weirdness, the way she has for the past 5 years (almost),
and even if she wasn’t able to help my with my problem, it still helped
calm me down a little bit. I should buy her another P.G.Wodehouse book
to thank her. ;Hehehe… sorry, inside joke.

Anyway, so I talked to dad, and he didn’t say anything new, per se.
He did say that it wasn’t unusual to want to change careers and try to
find a better fit. But his suggestion (and I should have expected it)
was that I should seriously consider an MBA program, starting sometime
in Fall 06. It would give me the exposure I need to find different
career options, and improve my marketability overall. I’m still not too
sure it’s the right idea for me, because how can I be sure I’ll be any
more motivated to work hard in business school than I was in my
undergrad and Masters? But it is something I’m willing to consider… I
guess I need to answer the question “Why?” first. Why would I want to
do it? To make more money? I don’t know if that’s a good enough
motivator for me yet. I guess we’ll just see. He and I will have a more
indepth discussion when they come here next month.

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