24-Jul-2004

So I’m sitting here at work, waiting for the clock to wind down so I can go home, and I thought I’d update my blog.

Been thinking about marriage recently. My cousin Hemal (mom’s brother’s son, so we’re first cousins) called yesterday, and told me that his younger brother Saurabh (26 years old) has decided on a girl, and they’re looking to get him engaged within a month, with a marriage set for December. Hemal himself is communicating with a girl his parents introduced him to, and they’re kinda pushing on him to get a move on as well.

I guess all of this has gotten me to thinking about the whole process. Just so you know, I am not immune to it. When my parents were here, they mentioned two separate girls who they had heard about. One is back in India, and is the daughter of *takes a deep breath* my mom’s brother’s wife’s brother. The other one is in the US (somewhere in Texas, I think), and is related to a family friend in the Bay Area. Mom actually sent me a photo of the first one (and no, I won’t post it) a while ago. Anyway, their main point was that I should at least consider it, and initiate some form of contact with one of these girls if I was interested. They just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t even entertain the notion. And it was hard for me to explain it to them.

One could make the case that all my parents are doing is introducing me to someone they think I might be compatible with, then letting me take it from there. I tried to tell them that it’s not so simple. See, it’s totally different when a friend introduces me to a girl (which hasn’t happened as often as I’d like… in fact, I don’t think it’s ever happened. My friends are selfish bastards. ) and when my parents introduce me to a girl. If a friend introduces me, his/her only hope is that I get along with the girl, and maybe something will happen in the future. With my parents, there’s always going to be the thought in the back of my mind that their ultimate goal is marriage. When they introduce me to a girl, they do so hoping that I will like her enough to want to spend my life with her. And that’s the kind of expectation I don’t want to deal with, at least not yet.

I’m not against the idea of arranged marriage per se. In fact, I might blog about that sometime later. My main concern is that I’m far too young to even think about wanting to get married now. I guess the most interesting part for me is that when I was with Keran, all I could think about was us spending our lives together. But I wasn’t even 18 then. Today, I realise that I want to experience more of life before I take on the responsibility of sharing my life with someone. I’m not saying marriage is bad. It’s just such a huge lifestyle change, and I want to make sure I have no regrets because I got married too early and couldn’t do stuff I wanted to do.

This doesn’t mean I don’t want to enter a committed relationship. Far from it. If I meet the girl tomorrow that I’ll want to spend the rest of my life with, I’ll ;be happy. ;But I guess I ;just want to take my time. ;Also, with Keran I’d put myself in the situation where she was ;my one single source of happiness, and that sucked because it just made things difficult for the both of us. I never want to be in that situation again, and I especially don’t want to put anyone else through that again, because it just wouldn’t be fair. I guess I’m finally starting to reach a stage (still a long way to go) where I want to be with someone, but I can be by myself.

That last line was deep, so go back and read it again.

And for those of you who are reading this and disagreeing with anything I’ve written… shut up.

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2 Responses to “24-Jul-2004”

  1. InkeeBug23 Says:

    Awww… this story sounds a TAD familiar. My older sister, who’s about one year older than you, is going through the same nagging w/ my parents, and she’s got the same attitude about it. Sounds like its a commonality amongst single desi’s in their mid-20’s!

  2. Diksha Says:

    quick hello from India…will be back in the U.S. on the 15th. Need to hear details about certain things 🙂

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